Social distancing requirements during the COVID-19 pandemic mean many Central New Yorkers haven’t been able to gather and say goodbye to loved ones at traditional funerals or services. President of Edward Ryan Funeral Home Chad Ryan says everyone has been mindful of the risk.
"They know that gatherings of a large number of people are not a good decision right now. It's a balance between doing what they think they need to do for themselves and the doing ultimately what they think they need to do to keep themselves healthy."
He says some are choosing to postpone final arrangements, while others move forward with a limited funeral. He recalls one that was already set up just as things were getting serious.
"It was a cremation, and they were going to have a small service. And then everything hit. Mostly grandkids didn't come in...they were all over the country. There was a public viewing announced in the paper. But, by that time, everyone was on lockdown."
Ryan says as a result, very few attended the funeral. He says situations like this can be quite the internal struggle for families used to large gatherings.
"The calling hours for some of these west-end people are huge...you know, some big Irish families. They aren't getting the same treatment, so I'm sure it's leaving something to be desired for some closure for some folks."
Ryan feels people will come out of this with a greater appreciation of the funeral as part of the grieving process. Bonnie is a counselor at Hope for Bereaved, which helps people cope with the loss of a loved one. She says funeral directors are doing the best they can given the circumstances by getting creative.
"Now, they're beginning to say, maybe we can do it through electronics, and let people be mourning with that person at the funeral home through different media."
Chad Ryan says they’re willing to accommodate any wishes a family might have, from live-streaming a service to holding drive-up calling hours. Bonnie urges families to change their mindset.
"I think we have to learn to accept a lot, and say we can't change a lot of things. We can't control a lot. We have to learn what we can, not what we can't."
She says in the absence of traditional services, she urges those who are grieving or who know of someone dealing with loss to stay in contact with family and friends.
