The number of children in Central New York who need foster parents far exceeds those willing to open their hearts and homes on a temporary or perhaps permanent basis. As National Foster Care month winds down, we bring you the story of one family that’s grown after realizing the struggle to find homes for children in need.
For most foster parents like Kellie Ellis of DeWitt, the path isn’t always direct or entirely clear.
“It was quite the journey to become foster parents. It’s not like we got married and said, ‘let’s become foster parents.’ No, it didn’t really work out that way.”
Ellis says she wasn't quite ready to be an empty nester at 30 when her stepdaughter was preparing to head off to college. She says nature wasn't working the way it should, so she and her husband Todd began looking to adopt children from Haiti. But the earthquake there in 2010 closed off that option. Then, almost by chance, she found another path…foster care.
“I was like, yes, that makes sense. Let’s help out the kids in our own community. There’ so many kids. I didn’t realize at the time what a strong need there was for good foster homes in our community.”
So, they enrolled in the 11-week course, one evening a week to get certified. Molly Prichard is a homefinding specialist for Onondaga County through Hillside Children’s Center. She says the need has always been there, but the number of available foster parents is a bit lower than usual, and the number of children in the county’s care has inched up.
“At any given point in time, we may have about 83 families that can take children. The number of children hovers around 370 to 375.”
Prichard says they have been certifying more relatives and family friends in recent years.
“Foster families may not get a call as quickly, but we still very much need them. We’d like them to stay with their relative once their certified, but certainly if things aren’t working, that child may still need to come into a foster home.”
The need extends beyond Onondaga County. Megan Badour is the homefinding, intake, and visitation coordinator for the Children’s Home of Jefferson County. They also work with children and families in Lewis, Oswego, and Oneida Counties. She encourages families to see what might fit their lifestyle. Maybe it’s a short-term arrangement.
“They may just be able to help us out when we have a crisis placement for a couple days, or when we have a planned respite in which the foster parents may need some time to themselves to take care of some personal matters. Maybe they have prior arrangements out of town.”
Badour says longer-term care is also needed. She says the opioid epidemic might mean extended or possibly permanent stays.
“Depending on how long that parent is put into rehab, you could be looking at a six month stint or a year-long stint. Then following that, you may be looking at another six months or a year on top of that before the parent is reunified with their child.”
She says reunification is always the ultimate goal no matter the circumstances, and they’re successful about 50 percent of the time. Kellie Ellis says substance abuse wasn’t a major factor among the biological parents of the children she and her husband cared for. But she does know the uncertainty that comes with not knowing if or when a child may leave their care. That was the case with their now 7-year-old twin girls.
“After a couple years of foster parenting them, the mom actually surrendered them to us. It was a very tough and brave decision on her part. In the courtroom, right before she went in to surrender, I gave her this big hug, and said, ‘I won’t go wrong by you.’”
On the other hand, Ellis says they did know that a boy they cared for from four days old was eventually going back to his father. It took almost a year, and they maintained contact with the father the entire time.
“Did that stop us from giving him and showering him with love? Absolutely not. He was one of our boys. He was a sweet, sweet baby.”
She says of the five placements they’ve had, they’ve adopted three of them, the twins and a four year old boy. Ellis says it’s important to have a support system during what can be a long and winding path…starting with foster parent classes…to waiting for and getting that call, then court dates and adoption if that’s in the cards. She says it’s also important to educate others.
“I used to get so frustrated and so mad when people say, ‘Do you have any of your own?’ They don’t mean to be rude. It’s just that they don’t understand that hurts. And I say, ‘Yes! I have three, they’re my own. They’re absolutely my kids.’ How they came to be my kids is our business, no matter what color they are. It’s important that I correct people in a very friendly way so they understand…watch what you say, especially if my child is right next to me.”
Despite its challenges, Ellis says those who become foster parents just want to be there for children in need.
“If you have ever loved a child that is not biologically yours, no matter what their age is…the older they get, the harder it is to place them, those are the kids that really need the love and support. You have to dig in your heart and find what you can do, how you can give back.”
Onondaga County homefinder Molly Prichard urges people to at least explore the possibility, even if they're not quite ready.
“When I have gone to our annual foster parent appreciation dinner, I talk with all of the families that have come on board, even with all of their hesitations. I ask what is the one word that would convey fostering," she said, holding back tears. "They say ‘joy.’”
More information on becoming a foster parent in Onondaga County is at onfostercare.org or 435-3827. The Children’s Home of Jefferson County website is nnychildren’s home.com
